Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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