look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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