got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
