that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
