So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize