i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
