Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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