I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
