Me. At least after what I've been through.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
