i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
