i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
