i don't like sucking hair
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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