Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
