He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
