So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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