Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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