yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
