just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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