nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
