No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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