just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize