Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
