I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
