I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
