yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
