How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
