im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
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