Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
