she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
