if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
