My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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