you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
