Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
