my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
