how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I need a beard to bite.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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