you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
