If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We had sex on a dog bed..
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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