It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
