hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
