Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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