Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
