Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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