apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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