Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
