yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We left the knife in your bed.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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