He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
