from now on my penis is your penis
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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