I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
