doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think your dad took our porno
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
