Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
