Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
