I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The beer is more important than you right now.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
