i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she smelled like a LAN party
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
