we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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