I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
