Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
