i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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