man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize