there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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