How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
