sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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