CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
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