It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
