You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
