just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
