That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
