We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
