even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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