she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
