is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I will be naked everywhere
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
