My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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