did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Randomize
