he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
