You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
