i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
