What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
